Why are We So Afraid of the “F” Word?
Given the information on my site, you have probably figured out what my “F” word is! (feminine!) I recently read an article about Nancy Pelosi , who was de-valuing and deriding her replacement, John Boehner, because he had become emotional, and actually shed some tears at various times in his political career. I can’t remember the quote exactly, but basically she was indicating how “unprofessional” that behavior was. I have to say I was very disappointed those words were coming from a woman, although I was not surprised. Many women, particularly those in competitive positions with men, have really bought into their “inner patriarchy”, and follow the idea that somehow emotions, and their expression, are inappropriate and actually “weak”….obviously we don’t want someone bawling their eyes out in a public forum, but why are we so afraid of those feminine principles (that we find in both men and women), of connection, deep emotional openness, and receptivity?
Whether we recognize it or not, we are basically emotional beings-
When we show tears it means we are deeply moved by something, whether it be joy, sadness, passion, or pain. It shows that we are in touch with something soulfully held, and profoundly felt. More importantly, when we express those feelings outwardly, in a managed way, we become more transparent, and transparency allows for connection, relationship building, and collaboration- characteristics much-needed in our world today. Bringing The Feminine Principle to the “professional” arena, particularly in the area of politics, would move our country and world to a much more balanced and positive place.
So I say ”more power to ya” Mr. Boehner, Maybe Nancy Pelosi can take some lessons from you!
I saw the interview on 60 Minutes last night featuring Boehner. Leslie Stahl was interviewing journalist. I was surprised by her approach and comments as well.
Frankly, I was surprised by my own immediate reaction to the preview advertisement shown throughout the week prior to airing. Clearly, I was caught off guard by the depth of his emotional expression. Then out of crass curiosity I watched…
WOW – was I ashamed.
I was so moved by his reply to questions inquiring if he embarrassed by emotional outburst, “I know who I am and I am comfortable in my own skin.”
When interviewing Mrs. Boehner, the couple side by side, Leslie approached her with same questions, “Does your husbands emotional expression bother you?” Without hesitation she affirmed that no she was not embarrassed and I do not recall well enough to quote her, she expressed her pride in his genuine honesty.
Teresa- thanks so much for your comment. I had no idea he would be on 60 minutes…so I guess my blog was timely! So glad that a man, particularly one in a position of influence, can model strong emotional expression. I heard that reaction by some news WOMEN was negative in terms of mixing emotion and politics!!
I saw the “60 Minutes” interview, too. It showed a component of John Boehner that was new to me (and I don’t know much about him). I thought that the questioning was somewhat slanted toward determining whether or not his tears betrayed a potential weakness that could impact his ability to lead and found that to be unfair.
Several thoughts:
Tears as weakness? No. How about tears as stabilizers? When the very earth and universe that sustain us have methods of rebalancing (weather, earthquakes, expansion, supernovas, etc.) why should it be surprising or unexpected that humans would have similar mechanisms? If you have had a good cry lately, you can look back and realize that the cry re-balanced your energy, refocused your thoughts and identified a forward path through what may have seemed like a maze.
Tears as feminine? I don’t think so. That is only a falsehood one adheres to when that person buys into society’s biases, which were probably started during some really tough times back in the middle ages, when it was either “cry and die or grin and win”.
Tears as empowerment? Yes. Cry, rebalance, refocus, re-energize, re-engage, then move forward. So, if embracing femininity allows women to be comfortable with strong emotions that are a part of being human and that lead to crying which results in clarity and enables decisions, then it also enables leadership. Why? Because leaders make decisions.
So, perhaps more men should cry. I do see more that via television (sports, “Biggest Loser”, various shows, and even on the TV news segments). And perhaps women should embrace crying for the empowerment it brings (and Nancy Pelosi lost an opportunity — if only she had cried).
Hey Joe- great comment, very thoughtful, and I love that it is coming from a man!…I love the idea that tears are stabilizers….they help balance us out..I think it will be a while before society totally embraces these thoughts, but there are definitely subtle changes occurring.